The past couple of days have been a blur to me. In the short span of time since I started this course I felt more involved with the kids and in a way my dad has been cooperative enough to reach out and spend time with them.
There have been instances already when I am able to take my brothers out for a ride without having to bring a helper with me. Just last week me, my dad and my two brothers went to the boulevard to eat burgers.
In that short span of time, I noticed how great it feels to be so involved in caring for my brothers. Seeing them so happy brings warmth to my heart and that, my friends is something you cannot trade in for any gold in the world.
But my problem is that everytime I start to get that good feeling of emotional attachment to my brothers, I start to get bothered because I end up thinking about how things will be once I start my career.
Just this morning my dad started to mention (again) that when we move to the states, the kids will be placed in a dormitory (an institution) so that me and my mom will be able to work. That got my blood boiling again! I would never allow my brothers to be put in such place! I would rather keep them here in the Philippines with their yayas, where they are comfortable rather than take them with me to the States only to deposit them in some institution.
How am I ever going to be able to take care of my brothers with the future that I will be facing? The sad part there is that I can never share my worries with my mother. I hate that she dismisses my fears. I don't know what to do anymore...
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